Take your time (coming home)

"One more thing, I keep having this dream
where I'm standing on a mountain
Looking out, on the street
I can hear kids in low-income housing singing
"We're through with causing a scene"
I don't know what it means
But I too, I'm through with causing a scene."
-fun, take your time (coming home)

since tuesday i've been trying to figure out a way to wrap a blog around a lyric from fun's Aim & Ignite album. finally as i walked about at work today and had take your time stuck in my head, i realized it was probably the best fit.

it's amazing to me thinking about it, about a year ago, i got a phone call on a thursday afternoon. it was my soon to be boss asking if i was still interested in an RA position. without hesitating, i accepted. within two days, i was in my new room, my new building, my new life. little did i realize exactly how much that split second decision was going to change me. the change had nothing to do with the RA job itself. because the work i did there was basically meaningless when it came down to it. it came down to the people. i met some of my best friends on that staff/in that building. people, that existed before i met them. people that if i hadn't met them would have just been people. people that i miss more than anything else about flag. even though it's gonna be a while before i come home, i will be taking my time i know that back there, there's a group of people patiently waiting for my return (wow, that sounded really egotistic of me didn't it. not how i meant it) and that, can put a big ole smile on this big ole face of mine.

"Now I'm not scared
of a sound
or the states
or the stages.
I'm not scared.
I've got friends,
took my call,
came courageous."

say goodbye love. . .

"I'm in the sky tonight
there i can keep by your side,
watchin the whole world riot,
i'm hidin out,
i'll be coming home next year."
-foo fighters, next year.

sure, i'll be home for 4, maybe 5 days if i'm lucky in november. but, for the most part, the sentiment stands. i'll be coming home next year. it hit me on the bus ride home as the shuffle gave me the foo fighters next year. (even though what i really wanted was fun's benson hedges, but it's not currently on the shuffle, and i can never turn down my foo fighters. and yes i did call them my foo fighters. not sure why. i'm getting sidetracked.) i will, for the first time in my entire life, not be spending any of the 3 major late year holidays (thanksgiving, christmas, and new years eve) with members of my family. at least as far as i know. which is kind of weird for me, but i guess it's a little like i'm growing up. or something.

i don't know. i guess, even though i'm going home in november, i'm there for a very short time, and for a very specific reason, it almost feels like an obligation, not something to look forward to (please don't get me wrong though, i could not be more excited to go home to see my brother get married) and then when my program ends, it'll be 2010, i'll have about 10 days (probably less, i want a job before semester starts) to spend with the folks back home. and then i graduate. and who knows after that. i think i need to start calling/emailing/writing my parents, siblings, relatives, and friends more. get in the habit now, for when i'm all on my own.

but if nothing else,
i'll be coming home next year.

do you remember that?

many months ago,
i pledged to grow up. essentially. maybe not so much grow up as man up.
do you remember that?

i think that pledge was a big part of the reason i'm where i am now. that being florida. that being disneyworld. that being the disney college program. i wanted to do something for myself. something that would help for the long run. this was a good opportunity. it still is. by the time i leave here, i should have a ton of marketable skills, completely unrelated to what i actually did here. i'll probably be at least 50lbs lighter, and who knows what else. i have a few hopes, but i won't get too wrapped in them, because that's when troubles start. when you get stuck focusing on what you think should be rather than what is. when you're too busy looking for things to come, to notice the things you're standing in. in the next couple weeks, the worlds we know, will once again start turning the way they should for the most part. one, fairly big difference mind you, that of course, being the fact that i'm in florida.

i've decided to get in the habit of working out again. really, that's all this post is based on. the fact that i'm planning on adding 2-3 days of actual excercise on top of the 5 days of working/walking around in billion degree heat. and i'm excited about that. right now. we'll see how i feel in the morning.

attached.

"i will begin again
but i can't start until
i've seen the end"
-foo fighters, end over end

the end is usually the first thing i think of. i'm not sure why. maybe i'm negative. over the next few weeks, all the people that started here in january/february, leave. also we get a whole bunch of new people. it would be easy to get attached here. in the beginning, i was. and then it turned around. it's amazing how one day, can totally screw you up. the day for me was the day my stuff got stolen. that put a bitter taste in my mouth, and that taste hasn't fully gone away. kind of like throwing up. you can wash your mouth, you can brush your teeth, but that taste doesn't fully go away. and then things remind you of it. like when i can't find the right song on the shuffle i bought to temporarily replace my real ipod. or when i can't tell if my phone is getting or sending texts. the little reminders bring back that bad taste.

in the next weeks, we get new CP's. i'm excited. i hope i can get along with them.

"oh my god, is this
really what you want?
would you tell us if it's not
and could you re-write the plot,
and come and get us?
cause we can't stop,
doing all the things we want
and even though we know it's not,
this place is merely a subplot,
to come and get us."
-wild sweet orange, ten dead dogs.

even though i know it's not, this place seems like it's more and more of a subplot each day. and i think i'm ok with that.

real life and monument restroom.

there are two restrooms that i typically deal with. one is monument restroom, and the other is coaster. the differences between these two are night and day, heaven and hell, light and dark, basically as opposite as possible. in coaster restroom nothing that could go wrong, does. in monument, everything that could possibly ever go wrong in a restroom, does. i'll spare you the details, because honestly, i don't really want to recall them. coaster is the way it goes when it goes the way you feel like it should. monument is much closer to reality. it's bitter, it's mean, i swear that bathroom has a personality and that personality is pure evil. but sometimes, i've gotta deal with it.

when you wake up in the morning, take those first steps out of bed, what do you think it's gonna be? each day has a great deal of potential. damn. that sounds kind of cheezy. let me put it this way, your day can be a monument day, or a coaster day.

i met a couple on saturday celebrating their 50th anniversary at our park. i was genuinely impressed and infinitely jealous. my parents are going to celebrate their 32nd wedding anniversary this year, and in november my brother and his longtime girlfriend are getting married. and then there's me. i don't want to come off sounding whiny, because that is definitely not what i'm going for. lately i've been thinking about it more than other times. it being love. because as the foo fighters say "he's never been in love, but he knows just what love is" (friend of a friend) it's just a matter of finding it. all i have to say is for those of you who are in love, or have someone- hold on to them. it helps someone like me keep searching for someone.
mes along
i don't know. i guess kermit the frog and rowlf the dog can say it better than i can.