and i'm beggin you,

"i'm beggin you to be my escape."
be my escape - relient k

three years ago flag was my escape. escape from albuquerque. escape from the place i'd spent my life.

three years later, it's the other way around. it's funny how it works that way sometimes.

Where will I be Spending my summer/fall semester?

I'll give you a hint

it's such a bitter form of refuge.

or, what i'd do if i never had to sleep.

"Now cinderella don't you go to sleep
Its such a bitter form of refuge
Ahh don't you know the kingdoms under siege
And everybody needs you"
- dustland fairytale, the killers

i wish i didn't need sleep. even when i'm not doing anything, i'd still rather be awake. i think this is becoming more and more clear to me as the time passes. the day turns to night, and i find myself thinking about the things that i didn't accomplish that day. at which point i turn off the tv, go to bed and find myself sleeping. only to wake up the next morning feeling like i might as well not have slept.

i know, i know, i know all the crap sleep does for the body. and honestly, i appreciate it. but sometimes sleep just seems like a burden, an obligation, a bitter form of refuge. something you'd do because you have to, rather than because you want to. it is said you sleep roughly one third of your entire life. staring down that 33% of my life i've spent in a bed, it makes me wonder, what more would i do with that time. almost 7 years. i don't like that number. it means of my almost 21 years of life, i've only been awake for 14.

until they find a way to cram all the benefits of sleep into a tiny pill i guess it's still something i'll have to do. but i tell you this, i don't want to waste a waking moment.

The Long and Winding Road.

or, more accurately, the 320 mile stretch of I-4o between flagstaff and albuquerque.

The view from the road is pretty much the same. a few semis, a few cops, a few crazy people who don't know how to drive.

but i miss the passenger seat. i miss sitting, watching, and thinking without having to worry about staying in the lines.

next time i go somewhere, i'm calling shotgun.

could it go any other way?

That's not the way it's supposed to go.
the boy isn't supposed to defeat the giant.
the gladiator isn't supposed to escape the lion unscathed.
the underdog isn't supposed to defeat the champ.

It happens.
Whether it be in the form of the Netherlands Beating the Dominican Republic to advance to round two of the WBC,
or it's boise state beating oklahoma,
or it's the Giants defeating the undefeated,
or it's the goofy looking guy getting the supermodel,
or it's 5'9" dustin pedroia winning the AL MVP,
or it's the shy kid becoming class president,
or it's a rag-tag group of guys coming back from 3 games down to take the series,
or it's lance armstrong coming back from cancer to win the tour de france 7 times,
or it's jon lester coming back from cancer to win the clinching game of the world series, and throw a no-hitter,
or it's the US beating the USSR to advance to the gold medal round of the 1980 Olympic Games.




It's Not supposed to happen that way.

but it does.
and i for one, am happy about that.

I am but one small instrument.

re·mark·able

Pronunciation:

\ri-ˈmär-kə-bəl\

Function:

adjective

: worthy of being or likely to be noticed especially as being uncommon or extraordinary

worth·while

Pronunciation:

\-ˈhwī(-ə)l, -ˈwī(-ə)l\

Function:

adjective

1 : being worth the time or effort spent <worthwhile preparations>
2 : worthy 1 worthwhile cause>

in·ev·i·ta·ble

Pronunciation:

\i-ˈne-və-tə-bəl\

Function:

adjective

: incapable of being avoided or evade

re·gret

Pronunciation:

\ri-ˈgret\

Function:

verb

transitive verb1 a: to mourn the loss or death of b: to miss very much2: to be very sorry for

¹con·fi·dence

Pronunciation:

\ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\

Function:

noun

1 a: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances b: faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way

bliss

Pronunciation:

\ˈblis\

Function:

noun

1 : complete happiness

Let's see how far we've come. . .

yesterday, i realized i could retire from blogging.

i know it's trivial, and i know it's goofy. but my last blog, which was one, i wasn't sure if i was going to keep up beyond a day, has been linked two in two different blogs. i was like "wow. honestly, i didn't even think that one was that good, i mean it was one from the heart. which i guess is good. but if someone were to have told me when i finished doing that one that it would, within 24 hours, have been referenced in two different blogs, i'd have laughed in your face.

it's funny to me to think about that. when i started this blog over a year ago, it was a port for me to put random thoughts that i thought were funny. i thought i could use it someday as a funny thought archive or something. now i'm writing about real life, or as close as i can come to real life. oh well.

i have something big planned for the next one of these. so if it's quiet on the tribou blog front for a while, don't be concerned. i just have something i really want to do with the next one, and it's gonna take me a while.

"i wanna live like i know what i'm leaving"
- switchfoot. awakening

how's this for arts and crafts -

"Put me in A special school
'Cos I am such a fool
And I don't need A single book
To teach me how to read
Who needs stupid books?
They are for petty crooks
And I will learn By studying The lesson in my dreams"
weezer- troublemaker

for the second time in the past 12 months, i played witness to a heart attack. the first was this summer. a co-worker, who i'll call manny, was ranting and raving throughout our work and next thing you know he's in the office being attended to by the rest of our staff, and i'm being shuffled out to the gate to open it when the ambulance comes.
the second was this morning. i am in a workout class that starts at 11am on mondays and wednesdays. the class before us is the NAU park ranger physical fitness program. there are as best as i can tell 20 people of various ages and fitness levels, including a couple older gentleman. i have this problem where i don't show up on time for things i'm looking forward to. i show up early, in spite of my best efforts to be directly on time. the workout class is one i enjoy. i showed up roughly 5 minutes early, walk in to the weight room and don't notice the guy at first. i then take a step back and see almost all the park ranger guys leaving except for few around a guy on one of the machines, who looked ghostly pale and was having his pulse taken. next thing i know they're lifting him off the machine and a small army of people (seriously, like 6 rec center employees, two or three cops, and one lady with the portable defibrillator, and then 4 or 5 emt's with another defibrillator) come running through the rec center. we're all kicked out of the weight room before this army comes. we're forced to wait outside. it was stressful. even for someone in no way connected to this person other than we share a classroom kind of. i remember the way i felt when it happened this summer. i remember shaking my head and being lost. i didn't know what to do then, didn't know what to do now.

that sort of thing sticks in your head. kind of all day. it reminds you how short life can be. even though both of them are still alive, it's strange to think how quickly they could have been gone. i didn't even know the second guy.

i often think about how we're not permanent. this isn't a blog about the afterlife, whatever you believe about it.

this is a blog about how i don't want to be stuck doing something i hate. life is too friggin short to be stuck inside on a 70 degree day.

this is a blog about being 20, in the wandering period where a man's shape is undefined. where my opinions tend to be passionate and wild, but essentially still pliable. - i've been reading again lately. yes, they have been two books which were assigned to me, but they were both books that i enjoyed, and books that made me say i really need to do this more often. because the class they are assigned for, is unlike any other class i've had before. it's the class i look forward to all week long, it's the class that i get disappointed when it gets cancelled, it's the class that really i've looked for all college long. it's the class that i will actually be sad about the day it ends. there's just something about this class. something great. that i know won't be matched, but when it ends, it'll be with me forever. and that's something i'm genuinely excited about.

Randy Pausch, the esteemed professor from Carnegie Mellon University, delivered his "Last Lecture" on Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams, (or i found it on itunes for free, but trust me, it would be worth any amount of money they wanted for it.) it's the kind of thing i watch on a day that i'm really disheartened, or just need some motivation. he's a captivating speaker, and wish that school was more like that. people aren't taught important things. we're taught accounting and english and things like that. things that prepare us for the "real world." I'd rather take classes that i'll use. Classes that prepare you for life. because, hey, there's a lot more to life than living. a lot of it can't be taught, granted. but i think everyone should give it a shot. not everyone learns from books.

on an unrelated side note, it is really difficult for me to type the word though, and not tack the -t on the end to make it thought. i wonder if that means anything. . .

this is a long blog, and if you get to this point, give yourself a round of applause because i'm kind of bored writing it.

I'll leave you all with this. i closed one of my recent blogs posting an entire song. i'm gonna do that again. this one, a track of weezer's Red Album, which sort of sums it all up.

I'm dreamin'
In the mornin'
I'm dreamin' all
Through the night
And when I'm dreamin'
I know
That it's all right
Woo, hoo, hoa

I'm dreamin'
In the evening
I'm dreamin'
All through the day
And when I'm dreamin'
I know that it's okay
Woo, hoo, hoa

Daddy says
I've gotta pay
Some bills
So I can learn
To be responsible
Some day I'll have
A family of my own
And they
Will need for me
To be full grown

But I'm dreamin'
In the mornin'
I'm dreamin'
All through the night
And when I'm dreamin'
I know
That it's all right
Woo, hoo, hoa

I'm dreamin'
In the evening
I'm dreamin'
All through the day
And when I'm dreamin'
I know that it's okay
Woo, hoo, hoa

Teacher says
I gotta learn some facts
So I can make it in
The Widener Stacks
These are days
That will define my life
I shouldn't waste them
On these friends of mine

But I
Gotta be a big boy
('Cos I really want a chance)
Woah
Gotta pick up my toys
('Cos I really want a chance)

When I start to feel
The feeling comin' over me
(I really want a chance)
I soon forget
All about responsibility
(I really want a chance)
I walk around
In a wide-awake daydream
(I really want a chance)
Things are better out here
Than they might seem

There are bluebirds
In the meadows
And the bees
Are flying around
And the goslings
At the river
At a loss so far
From the ground

I am running
(I am running)
Through the meadow
(Through the meadow)
And the sun is
(And the sun is)
Shining on me
(Shining on me)
I am singing
(I am singing)
My voice is ringing
(My voice is ringing)
I can sing so loud
(I can sing so loud)

And the angels
(And the angels)
In the heavens
(In the heavens)
They are wondering
(They are wondering)
"Why am I so glad?"
(Why am I so glad?)
"Why am I so glad?"
(Why am I so glad?)
"Why am I so"
(Why am I so)
"Why am I so"
(Why am I so)
I am running
(I am running)
Through the meadow
(Through the meadow)
And the sun is
(And the sun is)
Shining on me
(Shining on me)
I am singing
(I am singing)
My voice is ringing
(My voice is ringing)
I can sing so loud
(I can sing so loud)

And I'm dreamin'
In the mornin'
I'm dreamin'
All through the night
And when I'm dreamin'
I know
That it's all right
Woo, hoo, hoa

I'm dreamin'
In the evening
I'm dreamin'
All through the day
And when I'm dreamin'
I know
That it's okay
Woo, hoo, hoa

(Woo, hoo)
Hoa
(Woo, hoo)
Hoa
(Woo, hoo)
Hoa
(Woo, hoo)
Hoa
(Woo, hoo)
Woah

I don't want to get
With your program
I don't want to get
With your program
I don't want to get
With your program
Take back the love