helloes. i have decided that rather than say hello multiple times when i see multiple people i will just say helloes. that saves time and effort on my part. now if only the rest of the world were that simple.

today i've realized the true meaning of the american dream. many people think of large houses and yards and white picket fences when they hear "american" and "dream in the same sentence. however, that is just not the case. the real and true american dream is to be able to eat EVERYthing placed in front of you. food, silverware, plates, everything. this is why items such as the taco salad and tostadas and breadbowl soups are so popular. because we want to eat everything. i can imagine the thought process behind breadbowls.
(for imaginations sake please pretend that these people are construction workers sitting up on a high steel beam just having finished their lunch.)
guy one: "you done with your soup?"
guy 2: yeah, but i really wish i didn't have to carry around this bowl. how was your bread?
guy 1: well as you know i really only like the insides so now i'm stuck with this kind of bowl-like piece of bread.
guy 2: wait a minute. . . are you thinking what i'm thinking.

now, the american dream is not fully fulfilled at this point. because as of right now we still cannot eat the silverware we use to eat our food. if only someone could invent the bacon spoon.

the thing is.

it's cold out here.
i don't like to complain because i feel like as a man i should be complaining about manly things like "i didn't get to go on a shark hunt" or "that puma is rolling in my turf"
but it's cold here.

here's the thing.

ladies and gentlemen the devil is out there. his name: 630AM labs.

i live in the dorms. i love it. and when i say i love it i mean that i think if i could some how rig up a shower in my car, i think i would rather live there. because any shower based out of a 2003 ford escape has got to run better than the ones in the dorm. so the dorm showers are based in a block of 3, with ONE drain between the three. so, if anything goes wrong with the shower drain, the entire block fills with water. so as a result of the idiots that live in the dorm, 1st day back drain is clogged. soooo my shower this morning was taken in about an inch of standing water, and i'm no sanitation expert, but that doesn't seem good.

now for the real topic.

i sometimes find that i feel bad for undershirts. because undershirts are usually the shirts that aren't quite good enough to make it into the starting rotation. there are a few undershirts that can occasionally be called up for a spot start, but then after that go round, they're usually sent back down to the undershirt world. it's odd that you can wear topshirts as undershirts, but rarely can you cross both sides.

i got soap in my eye during my shower, and it kind of made me forget about the pool of water that i stood in. i think my brain is slowing down. maybe i'm just trying too hard. maybe i'll take a break from the blog world.

fast cars, fortune cookies, and football.

i wish i could say the journey from albuquerque to flagstaff went as smooth as good butter on perfectly toasted bread, however comma, i can not say such. it's all freeway between abq and flg (abbreviated for MY convienience) but that doesn't mean it goes smoothly. near incident number one: as i drive down the freeway i find myself stuck behind a semi truck, going slower than i would like to. seeing a large gap in the lane next to us, i decide to pass. as i am passing the truck decides it should move over. thus resulting in my getting out of the way by drifting off the road and cranking the accelorator as fast as the dang thing would go and surviving, unscathed.
the second incident was less my fault. i once again find myself in the fast lane, and find a silver dodge truck in the less fast lane. without looking, the silver dodge starts drifting into my lane. at first it appeared he was just drifting but it quickly became clear that he was coming over. . . right. . . where. . . i. . . was. yeaaaaaaaaah, ummm not cool. so i lay on the horn, saying at first "hey nutjob, i'm here, watch out for me!" the truck did not notice this. so i smash the horn as hard as i can, and pull somewhat into the median to avoid being crushed by this rather large truck. FINALLY as i'm completely out of the lane the truck pulls in and notices me honking my horn, halfway into hte median and changes lanes again.
ugggh, driving is a bear. but i'm grateful for no accidents.

now something you might enjoy:
today my family and i went to panda express for lunch. and the meal came and went and it came time for one of my favorite treats at any chinese restaurant the fortune cookie. i could go on for a while about how fortunes aren't really fortunes, but, you've probably heard it. so anyway my mother cracks hers open and it says something like "you draw cultured and artistic people to yourself." not a fortune, but not too bad. my dad opens his and it says something along the lines of "you will find contentment, by summers end" more of a fortune than anything else i'd seen recently. so it came time for me to open mine. i open it, eat the cookie and look at the "fortune" and it says and i quote "your judgement is a little bit off" not even close to a fortune. in fact i'm pretty sure that i was just insulted by a cookie. and that doesnot sit well with me.

go pack.

chex quest, chickens, and chinese food.

god, does anyone else remember the game chex quest. it was a piece of crap game that came free in boxes of chex cereal. you were this space soldier fighting giant walking boogers, and your armor from the giant walking boogers was literally a sqauare of chex cereal. your first weapon was like a tazer spoon, followed by a tazer spork, which was more powerful than the spoontazer. and then you got guns that apparently melted boogers. hmmm. i didn't know one could melt boogers. this game was quite possibly the best game ever, except that i remember it being really really frustrating because when you found one of the guns it had like 3 shots to it and it took 3 shots to kill one of these booger aliens. but wait, wait wait. . . why on earth is a cereal clad warrior fighting giant boogers? i would think that if i were clad in a giant cereal piece i would be more concerned with the cereal, maybe that's just me though.

in the grand scale of things i think that birds are proof that god wanted some entertainment. because here's the thing about birds, they aren't smart. but they can fly. the coolest birds are the kind that you could be afraid of. chickens are pretty fun to watch.

i love chinese food, but i fear it does not share the same feelings for me. although the more i think of it it's like a tale of two places, one place i always walk out of feeling full and happy, but the other which will remain nameless but i will mention that it rhymes with "mina bar" the past two times i've eaten has made my stomach really sad. i'm a big fan of chinese food. i just wish it wasn't so expensive. i've realized that chinese buffets are inherently sketchy.

on mind reading and melons.

i'm pretty sure that if anyone ever tried to read my mind they would be sadly disappointed. i put the thoughts i have that i think are interesting out for the world of the internet to see, and the rest of the thoughts i have usually involve food, women, or tv. although i can almost guarantee that that's ninety percent of what most people think about. the only difference is that ten percent that i stick up here.

further more watermelon is the best melon. i'd have to give honeydew the number two spot.
and in third is canteloupe. is that it? are there more melons that i don't know about? who decided that a melon should be a melon?

i think the labels this website offers are awesome. for instance, the examples it gives me for this post are "scooters, vacation, fall" which incidentally maybe topics for my next post.
woo hoo.

yeah. . . about that.

i caved.
i gave in.
after many years of not having a "blog" i decided that finally i would cave in and get one.

i'm not gonna lie, don't expect much for a while.

once i get the hang of it it'll be badass but for a while it'll be thoughts like: "i can't believe it's not butter is a great name for knock off butter, but i think they really could have gotten more money out of it if they had marketed it to the generic medicine market. 'i can't believe it's not zoloft' or 'i can't believe it's not viagra.' "

you may also notice that i don't ever capitalize my i's. that is because i don't see why i gets to be soooooo much better than all the other letters. greedy bastard i.

also we (stephan linehan and i) decided that the "dibs" system should work for so many other things. think how many of the world's issues could be resolved if simple dibs had been observed. i'll give you a hint it's all of them.

well my brain is currently idea-less, so i guess i'm done.
if i can remember my password you'll hear more from me.

Everyday is an Adventure.

attention fans. . . if you're out there. . .

bacon spoon, or a pizza knife