"Take it all down, Christmas is over,
but do not despair, but rather be glad,
we've had a good year, now let's have another

Remembering all, the good times we had."

-relient k, boxing day.

well. i survived. it was an interesting christmas. starting at midnight. i got home, and i was just destroyed. the entire weight of where i was hit me, and i just lost it. then, after about an hour of being miserable, i thought bigger than myself. i remembered just how lucky i was, and how i wasnt the only person far from home, not even the only person working christmas. so, i picked myself up, walked to walgreens and bought about 20 dollars worth of candy to give out to the workers. security and bus drivers mostly, though security wouldn't take it. then i gave it to any people i could find who shared the face i had had about an hour earlier. it either made them think, "wow, that's really nice" or, and this is equally, if not more likely "who is this crazy guy giving out candy at 2AM. when i finished, i went to bed. woke up this morning, went for a run in the gray, december rain, and then watched a christmas movie, complete with a call from my family to make sure i was awake so they could open presents. i was also late to work, because i got lost in my day. work was good. i worked our night show with one of my best friends out here, and it made it a very pleasant christmas day.

i'm now, a week away from leaving here. from packing my life into suitcases and flying cross country. christmas was just another blip, and i'll make up for missed family time when i get back. the new year is now, also only a week away (technically less.) i'm ready to say goodbye to 2009. not to say it was a bad year. fuck that. 2009 has been a very good year. but, i'm ready to be in to 2010. new years always have a ton of promise. although, 2009 is gonna be hard to let go.

i've talked to my family each of the past two days, and it's very clear that they're just as ready for me to be home, as i am to be home. even if it is only for a few days, and then i'm back to school. but school is much closer. and that's a good thing.

i'll be able to get through the next 7 days, knowing that the end isn't that far, and i've got quite a few people waiting for me to be back.

and i'll remember that Christmas, it makes way for spring...

i didn't know what to say.

"i didn't know what to say
merry christmas baby,

merry christmas baby,

merry christmas..."
12.23.95- jimmy eat world.

It's weird. in 8 days i'll be getting on a plane, and going home. i knew that the next few days weren't gonna be easy. i knew that. i knew, that deep down, being so far from home, and every stinking holiday tradition was going to suck. i knew that i was going to do all i could to make the best of it and not mope, like i did for thanksgiving. unfortunately, that hasn't worked so far.
it has a lot to do with a lot of things. thanksgiving, i had just seen my family, and mom and dad were on a cruise, greg and erlinda were just getting back from their honeymoon and KP was KP. but i didn't really talk to all of them. tonight i did that. i talked to my entire family, and realized just how much i miss them and how much i wish i was sitting at home with our friends and family, but can't be.

this is coming off whiny to me, so i'm gonna end it with this, I'm sure at some point, i'll stop being homesick and realize how much of a growing experience christmas 2009 was for me, for now though, i don't know what to say,
except,
merry christmas.

two more weeks.

two more weeks.
14 days. (technically it's 13 now. thanks florida time)

i made it through another semester, albeit the most untraditional semester i've had to date. passed school successfully and am on par to finish school in MAY of 2o1o. wow. that's a reality that still has to sink in. I have a lot to do between now and then, a lot to soak in before stepping on the plane out of Orlando. at some point soon, i'll start writing my closing paper. which isn't something i have to do, it's something i want to do to sort of wrap up my time here. if i like it, you may see it here. if i don't i'll probably still hold on to it, in case you find yourself wanting to see it. but that's a few days away.

it's not going to be an easy 2 weeks. a lot of work, packing, stressing, and hopefully fun, but that could be more difficult to squeeze in.

two weeks stand between me, and going home. from there about 4-5 days between home and school, a new apartment, old friends, good times, and hopefully an amazing 5 months in flagstaff. but for now, i've just gotta do what i can to soak up all that i can for the next 14 days.

wish me luck...

Tell Me Six Months Ago

if you were to go back
six months time, and find me
tell him all about me six months from then

i'd never have believed you.

i'd have stared at you and said
there's just no way that's true
i'd have asked tons of questions
but i'd never have believed you.

if you were to to tell me,
i'd be where i am, i'd have done what i've done
i'd have called you crazy,
but i'd never have believed you.

if you had to tell me,
who i've turned into
i'd be damn surprised,
but i'd never have believed you.

i'd never believe you.
but now, i think i do.
I'm damn proud,
but i'd never have believed you.

even if it means i had to miss you.

I'm proud as hell of myself for once.
i've never been one to admit that legitimately.
but i am. that's something i've gained.

and i'm happy about that.
even if it means i had to miss you*

i've lost around 60 pounds.

i've started taking care of myself.
eating right and working out.

and i'm happy about that.
even if it means i had to miss you.

it hasn't been easy.

a lot of days have been a battle.

i've made it through, and soldiered on.

and i'm happy about that
even if it means i had to miss you.

i know you missed me back home.
and i missed you too.
but i learned i can make it.
and i'm happy about that,
even if it means i had to miss you.

i've done a lot of things.
i've seen a lot of stuff.
i've been a lot of places
and i'm happy about that,

even if it means i had to miss you.

in 3 weeks i'll be done

i'll be back with my friends, and home with my family
but i've come so far, i'm so proud of myself.
and i'm happy about that,

even if it means i had to miss you.

*the title and phrase came from a conversation i had with bryan a few days ago. it's saved in my drafts so i can look at it over and over. that's how important it is to me.