said the rain's the rain

"it's a mess out there
you said the rain's the rain,
and some air'd be good for you"
jack's mannequin - MFEO/you can breathe

all day today i walked in the rain. all day, those 3 lines continually popped into my head. there was nothing i could do about the rain.

despite my best effort to stop it, the rain was the rain, and some air was good for me.

sometimes you close your eyes and see

"and sometimes you close your eyes and see,
the place where you used to live,
when you were young"
-the killers, when you were young.

first of all, i'd like to say that the killers are going to be in Orlando in October. i'd like to go see them, but i'd really like to go with someone. no one in particular, just someone. i don't know. i'd also like to not be completely broke at some point soon. but i'm not sure that's possible. maybe i'll start playing the lottery. or stop eating. yeah. i think those have the same likelihood.

second of all, it is nearly 3 in the morning. there is no reason i should be up this late. no reason, whatsoever.
3rdly, this is a post that, for all i know may or may not make any logical sense whatsoever.
4th, there's been a blog brewing in this mind for a few days, everytime i think about it i decide against it. it could be seen, it's yet to be determined.

the 5th thing i want to say is said better than i could by bryan.

and if the answer is no?

and i said, if the answer is no,
can i change your mind?
-change your mind, the killers

i'll just move my hands and everyone sees what i mean.

"I ain’t afraid to let it out
I’m unafraid to take that fall
But I have found beyond all doubt
We say more by saying nothing at all"
incubus- pantomime

the things i cannot change.

everyday for work i ride the E bus.
it takes 15 minutes for me to get to work on the E.
the same E bus takes me 45 minutes to get home (on a good day). The E leaves my apartments every hour at 00 and 30. the E bus leaves work at 15 and 45. most days i am scheduled till 15 or 45. which means on top of the 45 minutes it takes me to get home, there's another 15-30 minutes of waiting for the bus. which is awesome. especially after a long day.

but ive gotten to where i don't mind it. because i can't do anything about it. there's no point in getting annoyed with the things i cannot change.

"Ah Son, dont ask,
Neither how full nor empty is your glass
Cling to the mast
Spend your whole life living in the past
Going nowhere fast

What are we drinking when were done?
Glasses of water... "
-coldplay, glass of water

so . . .

you know the stories about "it's a small world" being terrible in every way.
yeah.
those are not exaggerated.
not one bit.

that ride is awful. truly, truly awful.
just awful.

Stop. Turn. Take a look Around.

There's so much to see here. bright lights. big sounds. sketchy electronics stores. four theme parks that i can get into for free and a bunch i could go to, but would have to pay.

it's nice to take a day like today to stop, turn and take a look around at all the lights and sounds and let them bring me in.

are you dizzy yet?

today's the first day i've really gotten the chance to relax around here.
i mean, sure the first few days i got to sort of slow down, but those were sort of anxious days- hearing about everyone else's work, and how much they enjoy it, and how much i was looking forward to hitting it on my own.

ten days later, i sit here typing about nothing. i'm awake because i haven't gotten home till at least 1AM for the past 3 days, and as such, my brain's not quite ready to go to sleep.

i think today is the first day that i admitted that i miss parts of home. that's not to say i don't love it here, that's not to say i want to go home, that's simply saying that there are parts of home (and school) that i miss. which will happen anywhere you go.

there's just so much here to see, so much to do, and even though right now it seems like an eternity, so little time. it's kind of making my head spin.

i guess i'll hold on, wait until the room stops.

is it possible?

"is it possible?
for the world to look this way forever?"
-jack's mannequin, MFEO/You Can Breathe

i'm happy.
probably happier than i've ever been.
it's great here.

it's not perfect. but what in life is?
i had my first day that i didn't enjoy yesterday. being trained in one area and then being shipped off to another is not fun. it's hard to enjoy what you're doing when you're trying to figure out what you're doing.

oh well.
maybe it's possible. for the world to look this way forever.