do you believe in what you want? (II)

around 5 months ago, i wrote a blog titled "do you believe in what you want" it was in the days leading up to this experience. i was so pumped, so excited, so proud, so ready. that was a rare blog, in that it didn't slip by uncommented, like a lot of them do.

"Pretty bold claim to a question without a definitive answer, one which seems to have the exact opposite answer in some parts of the world... but I digress.

Godspeed sir - you will need it. I hope all is well!" - bryan p.

when he wrote that, he was a couple weeks into his own journey, his trip to guatemala.

"see of everyone who called,
very few said, we believe in you
the overwhelming choice said,
i'm just a boy inside a voice AND
if it's true, if it's true, if it's true,
then what the FUCK have i been doin
the past six years"
-fun, take your time (coming home)

everyone seemed excited for me. but very few said "we believe in you." am i saying no one supported me? no. please don't take it that way. it's just that none were as vocal in their support as bryan. and i appreciate it. each time it's brought a smile to my face. thank you buddy.

"i don't think i've been misled,
it was a rocknroll band
i'm still standin"

Aim and Ignite by the band fun. has not left my shuffle since it came out over a month ago. the two ends (and everything in between. (although Benson Hedges has been))of the album could stand to be shouted at the top of my lungs. in fact, they probably should be. i've lost my voice out here. not literally. i can still talk. but i don't sing. it's distressing. those who know me, even many who don't, will see me walking about campus with my headphones singing along. for whatever reason, i don't do it here. at least not often. at school it's basically always. here, basically never. it's rare. usually, at the end of the day is when i can find my voice. when i'm so tired, so frustrated, so done that i just don't care. take your time, and be calm though i can typically sing at least parts of out loud. i can't wait to be back in a place where i sing. so looking forward to getting on a plane and flying the hell out of orlando. packing my bags, packing my belongings into 3 large suitcases, 2 carryons and one personal item. lugging them all out of the apartment, getting them into the shuttle back to the airport, security, flight home, unpacking, repacking, the drive to flag, unpacking again, settling in, and starting over.

i'll put it up there again.
"spinning, and spinning
do you believe in what you want?
dancing - in plastic shake up snow
do you believe in what you want?"

this time, i'm not as sure on the answer.