so tie the rope, tap the brake, cause a scene

"well i'm your favorite second rate singer
holding out both my hands
i'm cursed with the voice of a kid
and pent up three word commands.
so tie the rope
tap the brake
cause a scene
whatever keeps me in control"
-your new name - the format

I sing. out loud. in public. people see me. all the time. i'm not embarassed. also, at any given time, i'm not only singing, but singing emphatically, or playing any variety of air instruments. (typically drums, or guitar but occasionally bass and piano.) twice this week people have told me that they saw me, actually 3 now that i think about it, but i was off in my own world. one of those people, talked to me about it yesterday, it went a little something like this:
MG: i got to see you sing today
T: Oh yeah?
MG: yeah, with the Ipod.
T: oh. yeah, i do that.
MG: So you basically have No shame do you.
T: yeah pretty much. i do it for everyone.

i don't know if i can actually sing. i mean i did 13 years of choir and such (give or take a couple years probably) but i'd do it anyway. i don't know. i don't really see a point in keeping to myself. so if you see me, don't think you're gonna embarass me. i just don't embarass anymore. at least. for the most part. there are a few things that will get me. (if you must know i'd tell) but for the most part, i've been conditioned to laugh at myself, be who i am and not give a crap what anyone else thinks. If nothing else, i'll give them a story to tell their friends at the end of the day. and i'm ok with that.

(disclaimer, this is gonna be a long one, i've got a lot on my mind, if you want to take a break at this point, come back later, and finish i'm ok with that.)

in my last post i made some comments about how quiet it is around our little web of blogs. and in reading the posts that came out of it my heart was endeared and sank a bit. Bryan, Thank you sir. but more on that a little bit later. It made me realize, that there's a good chance that as it was before the web of blogs expanded, it will probably be again for the next few weeks. me talking. maybe others. mostly me though. i guess i still have the most self-realizations to hit. and again, i'm ok with that.

as i write this i can't help but think, at this point 4 Weeks from now, i will be in Orlando Florida. let me say this.
I am in everyway excited for this experience. (italicized for emphasis)
if you skim this hoping to find key points - THAT's THE ONE YOU'RE LOOKING FOR! -
I am beyond excited to spend nine months of my life in Orlando Florida, getting some of the best work experience possible, meeting thousands of people, all that.

ok, remember when i said i'm in everyway excited. . . that wasn't entirely true. There's a part of me that is absolutely petrified at the entire prospect. the part of me that so many times has told me i was crazy. the part that leads to second thoughts. the more i think about this, the less thought i remember initially putting into it. it was, oh, i wonder what i'm doing this summer. which led to- oh, maybe i'll look into disney, which led to - oh, i'll apply, which led to - oh, i hope i get it, which led to HOLY CRAP I GOT IT! which led to - HOLY CRAP I'M DOING IT! which led to WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, which led to ummmmmmm, shit. which led to - maybe i should have thought about this a little bit more. . .

which leads to where i currently am.

a sort of nervous excitement. sort of like the old first day of school feeling. where you're excited, but deep down you're shaking in your boots, but even deeper down you know it's going to be fun. and then you take those first few steps down toward the bus stop, and before your bus even gets there, you're ready for it to start. i'm excited, but not entirely sure i'm ready. but i've got 4 weeks to be ready. and at the end of that first day of school, i always remember walking away with a smile on my face.

and in four weeks, i'll be sitting, waiting for my plane to leave, i'll have that same excitement on my face.