"we don't see shadow
cause the shadow's all there is
and we climb
and we climb
but it's just so-- high and i'm so-- tired"
jack's mannequin, bloodshot.

i've been exhausted lately. i've been aggravated, irritated, frustrated, and simply spent. i've taken out my exhaustion and frustration on friends who truly didn't deserve it. it has a lot to do with the fact that in the next few weeks school ends. which means that all the final projects, all the big exams, all the goodbyes will take place.

only these goodbyes will be different. these ones will be like the ones of late december, early january. the goodbyes knowing that they could be for all intents and purposes, the final goodbye. i'll worry about that when it happens. i'm not exactly ready for it.

I think that those lines of bloodshot are just so perfect for me. i've tried so hard to finish strong, to not fade out. but it's hard. it's just so high, and i'm so tired. i'm just burnt out on it all. and as much as part of me wants to finish with pride, the rest of me just doesn't want to care. doesn't want to put in the effort. it'd be easy to just coast through. but it's a climb.

and i'm pretty sure, that much like the people i met in my 7 months in florida, the people i met in 4 years of arizona will be just as hard, if not harder to forget.