oh, little mirror you come in clearer.

Valentines day. 2009. self reflection.

it's kind of funny. i've spent most of the past two days with a big old smile on my face. you wouldn't think it to look at me, but i'm not one to get angry. i mean, it happens. but by the time i'm done being angry i am usually just drained. i guess because i don't really get too angry a lot that when i do, it's kind of compounded. it's not really funny i guess. i am really proud of what i've done so far this semester. i'm actually happy to go to the REC center and work out, if you'd known me before this year, that was the farthest thing from anything i'd enjoy. I'm still single. but i'm ok with that, more or less. granted, it's not the easiest thing, but i've begun to enjoy that. life isn't always great. this week, fuck, this semester has been proof of that. from its not so outstanding start, to its mellow underbelly, to its current, sort of blissful, state. i really like my classes. with two exceptions. my hair is the longest it's been since around sixth grade when i buzzed it for the first time. my friend bryan has the phrase "it's good to be alive" tattooed on his
side. and you know what. it is good to be alive. you lose sight of that sometimes, but it's a damn good thing to be alive.

there are times when i think of my younger days. i remember elementary valentines days. where everyone had their valentine box, and everyone brought everyone a valentine. if you were cool you got candy too. i kind of miss those days. but i know they had to end. so what am i going to do for valentines day being single again? same thing i've done since sixth grade when the everyone - everyone valentines exchange ended. i'm gonna put a red shirt on, sit, wait, and wish for the best. will it happen? who knows. maybe this is the year. maybe not. either way, the world goes on.

i'm gonna leave you with this. i've been incorporating song lyrics into my blogs lately, but this is gonna be a little different. i'm gonna leave you with the song i've been stuck on all morning.

Oh have you ever just stood there
And let the wind kiss your hair?
And put your head in a lion's mouth
But you didn't feel scared
Oh well I've stood there trembling
And still and will always be there

All the things I've hated, I've been before
I've fallen down slowly, just to kiss the floor
I've heard the hell hounds, clawin' at my door
Believe they wait, they hear your voice.

Oh, have you ever just stood there,
And watched the sun touch the land?
And reached down really slow
Just to kiss the forest sand.
Oh, well I've stood there smiling
And still, and will always be there.

All the things I've hated, I've been before
I've fallen down slowly, just to kiss the floor
I've heard the hell hounds, clawin' at my door
Believe they wait, they hear your voice.

All the things I've loved I've been before,
I've picked myself up off the floor
And heard the dawn break against the door
And known and believed it was something
More like a voice less like a noise
More like a soul less like a void

And you can learn to live without it
But your hearts gonna stay torn
And you can try hard not to need it
But you'll want it more and more
Its like the calm before the storm
OF COURSE

wild sweet orange- either/or